In process, indeed.
A couple of weeks after B was born, our landlord let us know about a possible new home. The fact that she is looking for us is really touching as she has told us that she really wants us to stay. Yet, despite not yet being a follower of Christ, she seems to understand and accept that when we come back for our next term, we feel it’s important to live in the community where we hope to plant a church.
And this community doesn’t have much on the market at all. Repeat: at all.
Anyway, there were good points (really nice landlords, renovated kitchen, good location, good parking). There were concerns (rather dark, steep stairs, uneven floor upstairs, no second toilet). R was pretty positive; I was quite negative. There may have been some friction between us (ahem).
But nothing else was available. My unfiltered thoughts – meaning not what nice Christians are supposed to think: “God, is this the best you can do for us? Is this it?” and “Don’t we deserve something better…?” I went back and forth between gross entitlement then feeling guilty for wanting something better when so many have lost homes – and because of course we don’t “deserve” something nice. Then “well if that’s all there is… But, ugh, I really don’t want to live there!”
So yes, I was in a cycle of guilt, acceptance with a disappointed sigh, thinking too much about it, and ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away.
Then out of nowhere I had this impression. It wasn’t a voice – but I’m pretty sure it was God: “Roberta, if I’m there, it’ll be ok. No matter where you live, if I’m there, that’s enough.” I didn’t cry or have a big emotional reaction. There was no drama. But I felt a weight, a fog lift and a clear-headed “of course” response. If God is there, even if we live in a drafty, dark house or a tent or anywhere, it will be ok. Conversely, if he’s not there, I don’t want to be there.
Then I started to get excited for the house and began picturing our furniture there, our kids playing there, our friends visiting us there. I started to get excited about living a block or two away from a huge fish market and very close to the ocean. I felt a lightness in my heart that came from surrendering my picture of my ideal home and accepting the adventure of life with God.
…and then we found out the house is no longer available. I think my heart change happened on a Monday or Tuesday, and we found out from our landlord that the family will be using the house on Thursday.
So we are back to square one and trying to trust God in this. I’m not sure why God worked in my heart regarding a house that was never going to be an option, but I pray I hold on to what he’s teaching me through it.
Originally posted on Adair Update... http://bit.ly/28NiGkE
