Part 3: Until everything is about Jesus
In Part 1 of my testimony "What does obedience look like?", I shared about God’s call, my struggle to say yes, and having a glimpse of what obedience looks like. In Part 2 "Holding onto the things I cannot see", I shared about my struggles with the fear of disappointment, what ifs, and learning to let go of the things I see to hold on to the things unseen.
2022 is the home run for me. The fear is still present and hunting me, but it wasn't as strong as it started. The greatest battle that I faced this year was myself. I realized that my love for myself is much greater than my love for people, nations, and ministries. I had to battle with my pride. Loving people is tiring, pursuing nations is hard, and being consistent with ministry requires a lot of intentionality. Everything I’m doing overwhelmed me. I was tired and beginning to burn out. I lost the reasons why I am doing what I'm doing. I know that I don't have to do anything for God to love me. I can easily justify to myself that I don't have to do far and beyond for God. He loves me no matter what anyway. Yet, I cannot love myself more than I love Jesus. No matter how much I justify it, I cannot love myself more than Jesus. As I was starting to burn out, God was very intentional in leading me to Jesus. He led me to Jesus until everything in my being reasons Jesus.
My Vision Trip to Japan
When I visited Japan this November, I spent 16 days there to make me realize that there is nothing I can do until and unless Jesus works in me and through me. All my fear, doubts, and insecurities, I cannot win over them, but Jesus can. I have never been so desperate and dependent on Jesus until now.
On December 1, 2022, I had a meeting with the mission organizations, and after the meeting, I just cried out to God. And for the first time in 2 years and 6 months, the shackle of fear is no longer holding me. The fear that was so familiar and I knew so well was not present anymore. For 2 years and 6 months, the fear that haunts me crumbled because of Jesus. It took me so long to realize that everything is about Jesus, and when the freedom of knowing that there is nothing I can do, the shackle of fear crumbles.
"Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."
— John 15:5
Hanna Evardone
Hanna Evardone was born and raised in a small town in the middle part of the Philippines and is an expat of a beautiful Arab country. She enjoys meeting people with different nationalities, cultures, and beliefs, and loves exploring their food! She states, "I'm someone who talks a lot and still learning how to stop!"
More Information
- Part 1: "What does obedience look like?"
- Part 2: "Holding onto the things I cannot see"
- Cover photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash
- More articles from Hanna Evardone
ENVISION
is a highly customized vision trip into Japan where you can meet Asian Access missionaries and Japanese pastors, be involved in some ministry activities, see Japan and explore your options as a possible missional partner missionary in Japan. Find out more...
